Don't Say I Said So
by Hbrook shipping for life
Summary: Dice developed feelings for his boss, the Devil, but will his feelings ever be accepted? A confession happens, but not in a way that was expected...


Dice's POV:

Dice sat quietly on the couch as he squirmed uncomfortably. Him and Devil had been sharing an apartment in order to save money due to some problems in the casino, yet they still couldn't afford comfortable furniture. He sighed as he leaned into the couche's back, giving up on finding a nice position… He wished that he could say that the way too old couch was the biggest of his problems, but; sadly, it was the least of it.

Throughout the four months that he had lived with Devil, he grew very attached to him… Too attached… At first, he tried to brush it off, the way he made his heart stop, the way he made his breath freeze, the way he made him feel warm. All of it. He tried to brush it all off as a feeling that would pass… But it didn't… As time went on, he only found himself even more attracted to his roommate, and it was basically panic fuel, to him. His nights were filled with all sorts if dreams about the man ranging from delicious dreams to numberless nightmares. And as for his days? His days were filled with worries.

How would the Devil even react if he knew? Was he a homophobe? Him being the devil, and considering popular beliefs, you wouldn't think so, but the Devil had always thought hypocrisy to be funny... Would he be disgusted? Would he ever even want anything to do with him anymore? Dice just knew that there was no way that Devil even gave him a second thought.… And if he found out, would he even keep him around? And even if he did, would it be just to mess with him?

Dice sighed again, but this time it was shaky. He glanced over at the round wall clock hanging by the curtained window. It read ten AM. He wondered vaguely if Devil was going to get back from his job was working from ten PM to ten AM pretty steadily for the last week or so, but sometimes he did come back late.

He perked up at the thought of getting to be around his roomate again, but then he slouched. He hated himself for this. He couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't keep feeling this way. He was going to ruin their relationship. He was going to lose the only relationship he had. He needed to stop.

Suddenly, he heard a click; he jumped at the sound. That had to be heard a floorboard creek, and whipped his head up toward the doorway to see Devil standing there. His train of thought was immediately broken, and reality crashed back with an immediate snap. The only thing he felt that he could physically do was blink at him. His mouth went dry, and he could hardly think.

"Hey, Dice," Devil voiced tiredly, not noticing Dice's just barely contained emotional state, "God, there was this one asshole at work today, I'm teellin' you," he walked over towards the coffee table, and grabbed the remote, turning the TV on to Animal Planet where My Cat From Hell came on, "This guy was fucking trying to get punched. I swear I was 'bout near ready to take him to hell!"

Dice let out a relieved breath and relaxed into the couch, "Coming down to your opinion, when isn't someone? And when aren't you?"

"Oh, ha-ha-ha. Bah- fuck you."

Devil walked over and basically fell out on the cushion beside him, causing the couch to creak, and even bounce in protest. Dice wasn't bothered by it; it wasn't an unusual happening. If anything, he smiled. His previously strong tension was easing, and his nerves had already started to calm. He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

He fell too hard, and it was going to end up killing him in the end. One way or another, he wasn't going to be able to be with Devil.

One day, just friends- or whatever Devil would call it- wouldn't even be an option. Eventually, one thing would lead to another. He would find out about his attraction and patronize him. He would get bored of him. He would disown him.

How would he be able to survive without Devil? He had already lived with him for so long... How would he live without the person that he had relied so heavily on for his mental stability? No TV dinners, or late early good mornings, or sharing a too small bathroom. No more complaining, or bickering. No more arguing over who's going to do the dishes this week, and no more fussing about who put the red sock in the washer with the white shirts. No more annoying Animal Planet, and no more anything.

It was ridiculous that he was going to miss all of these things… Most of them drove him half insane, but...he wouldn't want it any other way… Why had he been so fucking stupid to have let this one temporary person mean so much to him? He didn't want him to be temporary...

As Dice thought of this, he failed to notice that he was staring at his all too oblivious friend. Well, until Devil noticed that he was staring, and started staring back at him to try and figure out why he was staring at him.

"What?" Devil questioned oddly, "Is there, uh, something on my face?" He rubbed his chin and wiped his cheek, then looked down at his hand, finding nothing on it.

Dice blushed and forced his gaze down. He stared hard at his grey pajama pants. "N-nothing."

He wasn't looking at Devil, but he already knew that he had popped an eyebrow up at him.

"I just, uhm, I- I just-, I can't- I-" Dice hung his head nervously. He wanted to tell Devil right then and there. Devil deserved to know, but he couldn't tell him. He could never tell him because he was a coward; he fell selfish to his own emotions. His heart was divided in already made up indecision, and his mind spun aimlessly as if it was caught on an out of control carousel.

Silence fell between them, and the only sound there was, was from the dialog being recited peppily between the characters on TV. Dice didn't look up, nor did he dare say anything else, and for a while, neither did Devil. They sat there; unmoving, and quiet. The silence seemed so fragile, like an accident waiting to happen. It felt as if the slightest sound (excluding the background Animal Planet) were to occur, it would shatter. And Dice felt the he could shatter along with it. For that moment, Dice prayed. He prayed that Devil wouldn't say anything- that he would just brush it off and continue watching TV. He prayed for an excuse. He prayed for everything and anything he could.

Devil suddenly shifted, and the movement caused Dice's gaze to jerk up at him. He had turned to face him with his legs folded on the couch criss cross style.

Dice met his roommate's gaze, and his heart started to thump roughly against his ribs. He wanted to take those words back. He wanted to tell Devil to just forget about it, but now, he didn't feel like he could breathe.

"Dice," He paused for a moment, and his gaze became part serious- part grumpy- and mostly part in frustration with his obvious inability to respond to Dice's behavior. There was a moment of thought, and a moment of decision.

Dice wanted to cry even more because he could tell all of this just by looking at Devil's face. He had Devil's expressions down to an exact science, and he hated it- he loved it- why couldn't he just stop? His heart began to beat irregularly, and he found himself struggling for breath. "There's something that I've been needing to tell you." The silence only continued, and Devil glanced anxiously at the TV, and then back at him.

The sentence had ran through the air like a roach across the kitchen floor.

Dice's mind raced, and every terrible possibility of the words that Devil could say next ran through his mind...This was the part when he was alone again…

Devil took an irritated sigh, whether it was at himself, or him, Dice wasn't sure, but he continued, "I, well, um, damn... you see- I..." He became silent again.

Devil sighed helplessly and looked down at the gap between his crossed legs, then back up a Dice. Dice couldn't really see Devil through his now blurred vision. He wanted to curse himself for crying. He deserved everything that was about to come at him. He needed to stop crying. He needed some time. He just needed everything to stop

But it was too late. He was already crying, and he didn't feel like he could stop it. He knew what was going to come next. His throat burned. His heart throbbed, and he didn't know what to do. He was just waiting for him to say it.

But he couldn't wait anymore. He couldn't hear it. He couldn't look up into Devil's eyes and see his expression. He couldn't experience what was about to happen.

Now, he couldn't feel reality. He couldn't feel his surroundings. He couldn't hear the stupid Animal Planet anymore. He couldn't hear Devil talking anymore. He couldn't even hear his own thoughts anymore; but, of course, he could feel every emulsified emotion. He felt like everything was slipping away like an eel between his fingers. He needed to get away. He needed to get out. He got up from the couch, then-

There was an abrupt halt in everything, and he felt as if he had been pulled back. He felt himself fall back onto the couch, and he snapped back. He blinked, and before he could react he felt something assertively press itself against his lips. He blinked a couple of times before he realised that Devil was… kissing him…

A jolt of electricity run through his spine, and he felt himself completely dissolve into the Devil's touch. Dice felt his tongue slide across his bottom lip, and he opened his mouth eagerly. Devil's tongue explored his mouth, but quickly lost interest and tacked his tongue. Dice, in desperate need for closeness, wrapped his arms around advancer, and sat in his lap. Along with his gesture, he felt arms wrap themselves snugly around his waist, and he melted into the Devil's hold. It didn't take long before their need for air drove them apart. Their eyes met; they were so close that their breaths mingled. All of Dice's heat hit him like the front of a car, and his skin felt as if it was lit aflaim. He was sure that his face was burning scarlet. Dice considered taking Devil's mouth, but he was interrupted before he could.

"You didn't let me finish talking." Devil commented, still looking stubborn.

The words had came out so softly, that it came as a shock to Dice. He bit his lip; he felt the urge to run again, but decided that he was too comfortable, too at home in the lap of his boss. He couldn't move. He didn't ever want to.

"I love you," the Devil whispered before kissing him again. He broke off, "... But don't tell anyone I said so…" he smiled, his eyes half lidded with affection.

Dice couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him, along with a couple of stray tears. He shoved his mouth back onto the Devil's, and kissed him with hungrily. 'I love you, too,' was what he wanted to say… but he never was good with words… So that night, he tried to show him.


End file.
